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Now:
The help I have for you.
Whether the problems you face with your son or daughter worry and concern you -- maybe your teenage son or daughter has chosen a friend who seems to be a bad influence, maybe he or she has lost interest in school and now is failing or refuses to do chores -- OR whether you are dealing with the serious problems of an angry teen, a defiant teen, gangs, a depressed teen or even a teen filled with despair, You Can Make The Difference.
Respect is the bedrock of truth on which a wonderful family life can be built. Without respect as the foundation, you are building on sand. Sand will shift with the wind and rain and people walking on it. Without the strength of respect as the foundation even other positive efforts you make are likely to fail because their foundation is not solid. Too easily you can find yourself resorting to the disrespectful practices of your past.
First: What do I mean by Respect? Respect is a true and deep admiration. Some other words that are associated with Respect are: esteem, consideration, appreciation, courtesy, politeness, attentiveness, to have a high opinion of, to recognize the worth, quality, importance, etc, of. All of these wonderful ideas and concepts help us understand the meaning of Respect.
Cooperation is a most powerful and practical aspect of respect. It is a very effective way to show our respect. Willingness to cooperate helps any relationship, and is very effective with your teen.
Please realize that if your teenager is not used to you being consistently respectful to them, they might not trust this kind of treatment right away. They might not understand or believe you at first. There may be a period of testing what you are “up to” and whether you really mean to be respectful.
Just keep being respectful, cooperative. They will begin to trust you and believe in you. They will end up being respectful to you. Remember, they love you, too.
The Power of RespectSM
The Power of RespectSM means that you respect someone, you treat them with respect AND you respect yourself and you treat yourself with respect, at the same time. Remember: please treat yourself with respect, also. You are as important as anyone else. When you are respectful to yourself and to others at the same time, then you are using the Power of RespectSM , respect in it's fully powerful form.
Respect is the foundation and its powerful truth will astound you.
When respect is your foundation, your bottom line, all positive parenting practices have a firm foundation on which to build and become part of the wonderful family life you would like to create.
When respect is not your foundation, it is too easy to cross the line into doing something disrespectful. Unconscious disrespect is how most adults treat most children.
It is too easy to cross that line into the familiar when we are pushed and stressed, unless we have made respect our foundation, our bottom line. It is clear, understandable, and not hard to do.
It takes determination and persistance, but out love for our children/teens can be our motivation. It is worth every effort we make and we get our rewards quickly.
The Transforming Force of the Power of Respect
You never know how your little act of respect might make a difference in someone’s life. Someone might be feeling bad about life in general and your act of respect might make the difference in how they feel about themselves, about life, about how they see things, think of things, and experience things.
Haven’t you ever heard someone say, even in the movies or on TV, that their faith in mankind had been restored? Now they can look at everything more positively.
For sure that will happen with your teenagers. Your respect and eventually, your unfailing respect, will have this kind of effect on your teenagers. Even if you have not been respectful to your child as he or she was growing up, it is not too late to help them.
We know that you love them, and they love you. This is built into our human nature, but that love is not always expressed in ways that are meaningful to another person. When that happens, the person does not feel loved; your love does not reach them. The following story illustrates this:
What Do You Need to Feel Loved?
A woman was ill. Feeling weak and miserable, she had to stay home in bed while her new husband had to go to work. Knowing how miserable she felt, he got up very early and worked hard to prepare her some homemade chicken soup. His mother always prepared chicken soup for him when he was sick.
With love in his heart, he brought it in to her on a tray with a piece of toast to go with it. Upon seeing what he had done, the woman burst into tears.
“Oh, Sugar, you don’t have to cry. I loved making this for you.”
She cried harder. “You don’t love me,” she sobbed.
“Of course, I love you. That’s why I made you some chicken soup, to help you feel better.”
“No...” she sobbed, “if you really loved me...you would know...that what I need is tomato soup and crackers. Chicken soup makes me sick!”
Poor man, poor woman. He didn’t know what she needed to feel loved. She probably hadn’t told him yet. He certainly didn’t know that her mother had always made tomato soup when anyone wasn’t feeling well.
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Another couple was having problems. Each one was wondering if the other one really loved them, until they talked it out. When she was in a bad mood, he would try to help her feel better. It only made her feel worse. When he felt bad, she would leave him, or send him home. he felt very unloved.
He knew that when he felt bad he really, really wanted someone to be caring, to help him feel better. She knew that when she was in a bad mood, she just wanted to be left alone. The finally talked it out.
Now, when he feels bad, she comforts him. When she feels bad, he leaves her alone. Now they both feel loved.
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Unfortunately, especially when it comes to our teenagers whom we love dearly, even if we don’t always love what they choose or what they do, we tend to give them chicken soup and toast when they want tomato soup and crackers, or we leave them alone when they want to be comforted, or try to comfort them when they want to be left alone.
We treat them in ways that we believe will demonstrate our love. "He is just asking for limits." We don’t know that what they really need to feel loved is something very different. Just as they don’t know what we need to feel loved.
The Power of RespectSM helps you learn how to help your teen feel loved. That is a good beginning. That means that the love you are giving to your teen is reaching them and before it wasn’t. Now it can do them some good, before it couldn’t because even though you felt it, the ways that you tried to communicate it didn’t work.
The Power of RespectSM does not teach parents to become permissive and to let the teen have the power in the house and over the family, nor does it teach parents to be authoritarian and keep the power in the house and over the family.
It teaches how each person can maintain their own personality, values, and beliefs and use them to get what they want and need, but not at the expense of anyone else.
It teaches you to stand firm for what you need, for what is important to you but to be willing to compromise, to be flexible with issues that aren’t so important to you.
The Power of RespectSM does not require you to learn anything new and complicated. It is based on simple, known social skills. It is just a matter of learning when and how to apply them.
This approach and these skills have proven themselves many times over and for many families. After buying my book, Parenting for the New Millennium, at a fair one year and putting it into practice, a mother returned the following year and sincerely thanked me for writing the book. She said, “My children are so nice now!”
Another woman used the book when relating to her two-year-old and loved it. Her mother bought a copy and after some months I received a letter from the young woman telling me that now her teenage sister, who lived at home with her mother, was able to stop going to therapy “because at last she felt loved.”
One of the most important tools you learn, practice, and master with the Power of RespectSM is negotiation. I want to tell you a story to keep in mind whenever you face a difficult negotiation.
Facing a Difficult Negotiation?
Two sisters, Rose and Violet, lived far from town. It took 45 minutes to drive to the nearest store and 45 minutes to drive home again. And that was on a good day. One morning:
“Good morning, Rose. You will be glad to hear that I have decided to fast today.”
“Oh, Violet, that’s wonderful. You will feel so much better. You’ll see.”
“So I need a large jar of water and lemon juice and honey. Right?”
“Yes, make a large jar of light lemonade and drink that and water all day.”
“Oh, great, there is one lemon. That should be enough.”
“Are you sure there is just one lemon?”
“I’ll check....Yeah, just one lemon. Why, do I need more?”
“No, it’s just that I needed a lemon for some cookies I promised to make for the meeting I’m going to this afternoon. I guess I could make a different kind of cookie, but Jason asked me if I could bring the lemon ones.”
“That’s okay, Rose. I can fast another day.”
“No way, Violet. I’ve been wanting you to try this for a long time. There’s got to be a solution to this, if we can just think what it is.”
“I guess I could go to town.”
“That’s an idea, but...”
“Yeah, I know. It’s a long drive just for lemons.”
“Let me look at the recipe....Violet, I just need the zest! I can make them without the juice.”
“How great! We both get what we need out of one lemon. I get the juice and you get the zest.”
“Why don’t you juice it first then it will be easy for me to get the zest. If I take the zest first it might be harder to juice.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll do it right now.”
In all of the many negotiations I have participated in during the past 35 years, I have always found that in situations that seem impossible to solve, after efforts were made to define the problem exactly and to brainstorm for solutions, one or more solutions were found.
Just a couple of weeks ago I mediated such a situation. Tensions were high. A lot had to be worked through, but finally a solution was reached that was agreeable to all parties involved.
That is a key that you must never forget: Agreeable to all parties involved. This is one of the most important secrets of success to the Power of RespectSM.
You won’t find all of this information anywhere else. I have worked on this for more than 35 years. I have searched through many, many books looking for someone else who believes in the same approach and principles. Parts and aspects have been available, but here the package is complete.
Here you find a rock-solid, unfailing foundation to rely on. Here you can build your wonderful family life with confidence, knowing that a respectful attitude will never let you down.
I am here to help you learn to make respect your bottom line, to help you make respect your foundation for interacting with your teens in particular, with your other children, and with everyone.
Whatever other wonderful things you do with your teens, you never do anything that is not respectful. That means that your choices and actions are respectful to yourself and to others. It feels good to you and to them. Then you are using and benefiting from the Power of RespectSM.
LET'S GET TO DETAILS!
5 Overlooked, Mindblowing Facts for Parents! They Make ALL the Difference!
Become aware of even one of these Overlooked Facts - begin the changes you want/need in your relationship with your troubled teenager.
Acknowledge one of these Overlooked Facts and reduce your stress. Together they are powerful enough to change your life, and the life of your struggling son or daughter, for good.
5 Attitudes to Turn Your Teen Around
Each of these Attitude Changes gives you a different view on what is going on. This alone can make life better for everyone involved. These changes in attitude make it easier for you to change your behavior and for your troubled teenager to change his or her behavior.
Coping Skills to Backup the Attitudes - Take Action!
Although these Facts, Attitudes, and Skills are listed 1-5, you can start with any one. Choose the one that appeals to you the most. Choose the one that seems the easiest, or the hardest, or the most important. Take immediate action. Start practicing right away. Persevere. Do not give up. Let the love you have for your child give you the determination to succeed.
Seven Simple Steps to End Conflict With Your Troubled Teen
This is another excellent way to start repairing the relationship. Wherever you start, everything else will fall into place. You can adjust as you go along. Choose your starting point and start.
Attitude Is Almost Everything!
On this page I share the information you need to get started on the wonderful adventure of creating a great, respectful relationship with your teenager.
Overlooked Fact #1:
Maybe you are trying to help your troubled daughter or son by yourself. Maybe you have sent your defiant teen to one of the programs or institutions which offer to help your difficult teen. Maybe you have given up because you don’t know what to do. Whatever you are doing or not doing about this situation, if you want the relationship to be different, you have to behave differently.
It’s not just that they have to change and behave differently. You, the parents, have to behave differently, too. It is not just that they have problems and have to be fixed. There are problems but the adults and the teens have to work on them together.
Attitude:
Together you share the problems that have to be fixed.
Skill:
Learn to remain calm while relating to your troubled teen, AND, until you can do this successfully, apologize. Whenever you have treated your son or daughter in a way that you would not like to be treated, apologize. This is an especially important first skill to begin practicing. It alone can make a huge positive difference in your lives.
Overlooked Fact #2:
Most likely these problems have been developing since your child was a baby, especially since they were two. Think back to that time period and focus on your behavior.
How did you treat your child? Did you ever treat your child in ways that your child treats you now? This reflection might help you understand more about what is happening today.
Perhaps your relationship with your child has been good over the years and you are totally surprised by your teen’s present behavior. On the other hand, this trouble may be no surprise to you.
In either case, you can take simple, powerful actions now, today, to turn this around, to build a foundation of mutual respect so you both feel loved and cared about.
Attitude:
You now realize that your decisions and actions might have contributed to this situation, however, something powerful and effective can be done about it.
Skill:
Decide that from this moment you are willing to do what you have to do to create a foundation of mutual respect between you and your teen.
Overlooked Fact #3:
We, as adults may consider teens as children, but they are not -- they are young adults. They need the opportunity to learn and develop the skills and abilities they will need as independent adults. (If they had been doing this all along, these troubles would not be there now.)
Attitude:
You realize and accept that it is important for your teenager to practice making their own decisions while they are still at home, while they still have your help to back them up when they make the inevitable mistakes. I know this may sound scary, but I will teach you techniques* to take most of the “scary” out of this.
(*See the Seven Simple Steps to End Conflict)
Skill:
Learn and practice the Seven Simple Steps to End Conflict With Your Troubled Teen.
Overlooked Fact #4:
Everyone makes mistakes.
Attitude:
Learn to think of these “mistakes” as challenges or learning opportunities.
Skill:
When you or your teen makes a “mistake,” ask: what lesson or lessons do we need to learn so we don’t have to go through this again? What other opportunities are available to us because of this "mistake?"
Overlooked Fact #5:
You must show respect first. I know that this seems backwards, to give respect to your troubled teen when your “child” is not giving respect to you, but it is not.
Parents are models of appropriate behavior for their children, whether you like this or not.
“Remember, we are always examples to the children around us, and at some point they may try out our behavior.
Realize that children observe such behavior at close range. Whatever rights and privileges adults take, children naturally feel entitled to take also, from a very young age.
We are their model of appropriate human behavior and in their minds they are definitely human and thus deserve, expect, and require all human rights.”*
Attitude:
You are willing to be a model of respectful behavior toward your troubled teenagers.
Skill:
You practice giving respect to your troubled teen first, and you tell them that you are going to do this.
*(from Parenting for the New Millennium
Creating Friendly Families Through the Power of Respect
by Karen Ryce)
Seven simple steps to end conflict!!
Skills to take the “scary” out of trusting your teen:
Conflict is the basis of all the troubles between parents and teens. Following is a list of seven steps toward successful, respectful, and peaceful conflict resolution. When you are starting out, you must complete every step to achieve success.
Step One:
Set Up the Meeting: Be sure that the time and place chosen and decided on is agreeable with everyone involved. Anyone affected by decisions made at the meeting needs to be there or to realize that decisions made are binding to them, too. Be sure that you have paper and pen and a surface to write on.
Step Two:
Ground Rules:
1) Define the problem and write it down. Who “owns” the problem? Whose problem is it? Just because something is a problem for one person, it does not mean that it is a problem for everyone. Also write down who owns the problem.
2) The solution must be a win-win solution. Everyone needs to understand that no solution will be used if one person does not like it for whatever reason. That idea will be crossed off the list of possible solutions. If only one part of an idea is not liked, only that part will be crossed off.
3) Everyone needs to understand that during brainstorming, which happens next, no one criticizes any idea. This helps keep the ideas flowing. All ideas are written down. If anyone has trouble with this, they need to be reminded that the idea will not be used if someone does not like it, but for now please don’t say anything against it.
Step Three:
Brainstorm for solutions: Write down every idea, no matter how strange, no matter how silly, no matter who likes it or not.
Step Four:
Discuss and eliminate any solutions or parts of solutions that are not acceptable to any of the participants. Cross off the idea or part of an idea. It is not usable. Using it would be disrespectful to the person who does not like it. If all ideas are crossed off, you must brainstorm again. You can do it right then if everyone agrees to do so. However, it is more likely that you will have several ideas or parts of ideas to work with.
Step Five:
Negotiation: Decide on acceptable, win-win solutions. Maybe one idea or parts of several ideas will fit together to make a mutually agreeable plan for a solution. Be sure the decision is written down and that everyone understands it in the same way.
Step Six:
Put the solution or solutions into practice. Since each person knows their part of the solution as negotiated and written down (Step Five), now action can proceed.
Step Seven:
Revisit and evaluate the success of the solution or solutions: Decide when you are going to meet to let each other know how the plan is working. If everything is going well, continue on, if not, go through the seven steps again to find something that seems like it will work better.
“This process may seem time consuming, but once everyone is practiced at it, you can eliminate the writing, and finding agreements becomes almost automatic. Then the peace in the family seems worth all the efforts at changing in the beginning.”
(from Karen Ryce’s Column Book)
Remember to use the changes in attitude and the other new skills during this process. Thus everyone’s needs get met, no one feels left out, powerless and uncared for. Everyone feels important and loved.
You don’t want to leave your teen in these terrible states of being, filled with misery. You don’t want to have to deal with troubles at home: fighting, anger, depression, fear of violence, fear of suicide; troubles at school: bad report cards, teachers calling, counselors scheduling meetings, truant officers knocking on your door, threats of fines and jail sentences; or worse troubles: police at the door, court dates, judgments, rushing to the hospital to save your teen’s life, fear of gang violence....You don’t want to leave your loved child with these terrible consequences of their, and your misery.
The Next Adventure
Now I have noticed that on the Internet, of all the groups of people, those who receive the least help are the troubled teenagers and their parents. I am offering my help here as my first venture into the Internet.
I give you my hard-won, earned and learned tips to streamline and pinpoint your efforts. I help you avoid making many of the mistakes I made as I mastered the Power of Respect. I give you the help you need to keep respect at the top of your awareness and efforts. I help you know what to do and when to do it. I help you persevere during those challenging times when you might be discouraged and think of giving up.
Teens and the Power of Respect (ebook)
This book is based on the popular and well-respected book titled, Parenting for the New Millennium, sub-titled Creating Friendly Families Through the Power of Respect. That book has helped countless people: parents of all ages of children, grandparents, teachers of every age of student from pre-school to high school.
This new ebook has been created to share the practical, effective, unique, cutting-edge approach to parenting with parents of teenagers, especially teenagers who are having troubles. After searching the Internet, it seems that the primary form of help available for parents of troubled teens is to help parents choose which program, boot camp, or school to send their troubled teen to.
There is not necessarily anything wrong in choosing to have your teen attend some program, but what about when they come home? If nothing has changed at home, chances are very good that the relationship will return to the previous condition.
This book was compiled to help prevent that from happening. It also offers parents and teens ways to work together and to learn to relate respectfully. As they practice, even early on, the positive changes bring good feelings and more positive changes. It builds its own momentum. Good feelings create more good feelings. It speeds up the process.
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Teens and the Power of Respect - Answers Your Questions
Teens and the Power of Respect ($24.99 - click here to order - time-limited offer!
It will for sure go up to $29.99)
(Right now you can only buy the ebook, as a whole, but individual chapters will be available soon. Below is a listing of the chapters and some of the questions answered in each chapter.)
Introduction: This will come with every order.
Chapter One: Respect: The Solution ($3.99)
How can I get our family to cooperate?
How can I make make my teenager more responsible?
How could my teen develop good, strong self-esteem?
How can the Power of Respect help me?
Don't you have a formula to guide me through this?
Chapter Two: Raising a Democratic Citizen ($2.99)
What does democracy have to do with helping me raise teenagers?
Why does respect have to be my bottom line?
How do I do that?
Don't you have guidelines?
Chapter Three: The Model Parent ($1.99)
How is this going to help improve my teen's attitude?
How will this make my teen behave better?
Chapter Four: Trustable Teenagers ($2.97)
How can I trust my teen when he is not trustworthy?
Why should I?
What if I trust her and she blows it?
Chapter Five: Friendly Families Work It Out ($3.98)
What do I do when my teen steals?
When she is verbally abusive?
When he wants to get into a gang?
When she gets into trouble with the law?
When I blow my top?
When he doesn't live up to our agreements?
When she doesn't tell me where she is going?
When he doesn't like something I do?
When she wants me to do something I don't want to do?
Chapter Six: Transformed Teens ($3.97)
What if my daughter is depressed?
What if she is abused?
What if she gets pregnant?
What if my son is having trouble at school?
What if he wants to borrow the car?
What if my teen doesn't what to help around the house?
What about sex?
What about drugs?
Chapter Seven: Questions and Answers from The Power of Respect
If you have signed up for the free ebook, you already have these questions and answers.
If you haven't, do it now! Before it's too late! (Go to the top of the pageand sign up now!)
Chapter Eight: The Legacy: ($0.99)
How does the past effect our troubled relationship today?
Chapter Nine: No Guilt and the Practice of Self-Respect ($3.96)
What do I do when I feel guilty?
How can I stop feeling guilty?
Shouldn't I feel guilty when I do something wrong?
How can I respect myself when I do wrong things?
I think I'm my own worst enemy; how can I possibly become my best friend?
How can all this help with my teenager?
Chapter Ten: Silent Slavery ($3.95)
What has slavery got to do with this?
How can it be silent?
Isn't punishment an important learning tool?
Don't adults need to be in control?
Chapter Eleven: Social Ills ($2.98)
How can you trace social problems and individual problems back to a lack of respect? There are things kids won't do unless we force them to, right?
Every parent is supposed to discipline their kids, right?
What's the problem with that?
What do you mean by inner discipline and self-discipline?
You have to discipline kids to make them self-disciplined, don't you?
Chapter Twelve: Born Into Bondage ($3.94)
He's my kid. I should be able to treat him anyway I want, right?
Don't we need to punish to protect?
What's wrong with punishments?
Don't we need to keep from spoiling our children?
Endnotes: This will be sent with every order
Subject Bibliography: This will be sent with every order
Teens and the Power of Respect ($24.99 - click here to order - time-limited offer!
It will for sure go up to $29.99)
(Individual chapters will be available soon.)
100% Satisfaction Guaranteed
I offer you 100% satisfaction guaranteed. I am so confident that you are going to love your experience with Teens and the Power of Respect, that I gladly make you this offer. If for any reason, within 8 weeks of purchase, you are not completely satisfied with your ebook or the chapters, just email me and I will return your money, no questions asked.
However, I am so sure that you will agree that it is worth much, much more than you paid for it. A happy home and a loving family are priceless treasures and worth every effort.
So why am I offering individual chapters?
I am thoroughly dedicated to helping Respect become the bottom line of everyone when dealing with teens or children.
I want to make it easy for you to say, "Yes, I want to do this!"
Then you can master the Respect Tools, Skills and Strategies quickly and efficiently.
I want to make it so inviting that you want to say, "Yes! I can do this!"
I want to make it easy for you to experience The Power of Respect for yourself. Only then can you judge its value. No matter how helpful I tell you it is, or how wonderful other people tell you it is, you have to try it out for yourself.
Imagine this: you can dramatically improve your situation at home. You only have to start. Many people say starting is at least half the effort. Just think: In moments you can be half way there!
Then make a plan and follow through. Experience and enjoy the changes. I have done this and maintained for many years. It's become second nature. You can do this, too, and I can help you. The peace, love and joy are worth making the changes. So let’s do it.
Sincerely,
Karen Ryce
Creator of Best Help for Troubled Teens
P.S. Imagine peace in your family, everyone cooperating, helping out, good times for all. Don’t put it off. Start right away. Begin to create a vision of how you would like it to be in your family. You don’t have to settle for the way it has been. Even choose one chapter. At the most you'll spend just $3.99. I'm sure you have spent $3.99 on something that you never use or ended up throwing away. I know I have.
Or just go for it and get the whole ebook! While it's still just $24.99! Why not? You can see that it is packed with useful information. You will not find this package of information anywhere else.
Teens and the Power of Respect ($24.99 - click here to order - time-limited offer!
It will for sure go up to $29.99)
Even one new Respect ToolSM, one new Respect SkillSM, or one new Respect StrategySM can make all the difference. This is truely the best help for troubled teens available, a guidebook to help you help your troubled, difficult, struggling teen, so that none of you need feel troubled, helpless or powerless again.
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